Post by CCADP on Aug 15, 2005 6:01:52 GMT -5
This is really; really hilarious. This is a right wing columnist who doesn't like what we do writing about our page. Its really clever and funny actually....I like it! It cracked me up in several places...its original!
CAN THE ARTS SURVIVE?
CALIFORNIA'S DEATH ROW
By: William Kaliher
Note to Readers: Kaliher finished second in the 104th International Pickled Pig Knuckle eating contest held in central Mecca.
My gentle readers, I often try to explain the illogic, the mendacity, and the hypocrisy of the left. I realize if most liberals were animals, they’d be considered so defective they’d be euthanized. If their brain activity was actually compared to Mrs. Schiavo’s and someone pressed the issue, they would quickly face death by dehydration. I recognize child molestation, war, racism, starvation and theft would virtually disappear if there were no liberals supporting socialist irrationality. I comprehend all these things and more. However, I’m a compassionate conservative, so I try to avoid thinking along those lines. Admittedly it would be easier, less emotional and more humane to euthanize a liberal than a dog, a rabid monkey named Bob or a disabled person the Ted Kennedy crowd has marked for eradication. Yet, I personally couldn’t pull the plug on even something as worthless as a liberal.
I too am overly aware of their bizarre beliefs: global warming (or is it an ice age threatening today?): Karl Rove being a regular Lex Luthur; welfare without requirements actually helping; the threat of Christianity; Clear Channel radio reducing the information the public receives; holding contests without scoring. I could probably list thirty pages of leftist insanities without a break. All issues demanding an imbecilic outlook to accept.
There are times I admire the height of the lunacy, like old Jerry Falwell being more dangerous than a suicide bomber. A good comedy club lacks such material. On other occasions, I’m revolted by their convoluted thinking, like blaming the rape-murder of a child on the fact the criminal was put to bed without a snack when he was nine-years-old. Then, there are those rare times liberals put together a bit of madness that is actually impressive in its absurdness. I recently had that experience, but sadly it was imported. I fear our American liberals are too stunned over the Baghdad airport falling to reach the creative levels of bizarreness we’ve come to expect. It’s so bad for them, Canadian leftists have had to step in and help.
Yes, there is something called CCADP, (Canadian Coalition Against The Death Penalty). I realize it looks like a super-duper-clever U.S.S.R. Marxist title; no doubt Gorby would still be in power had he just thought of those initials. Anyway, with leftist fake Indian professors being exposed, socialist reporters caught daily, and old One-enema himself, Keith Olbermann spending so much time trying to look and sound like Patsy Schroeder, Canadian liberals had to step in and fight the California death penalty. You’re probably saying, "Surely Kaliher, you jest."
However, Kaliher remains his serious, non-humorous self and refers brave readers to click here if there is the slightest doubt. But, Kaliher does not recommend this site. He’s found a good case of jock itch to be less discomforting than a trip into a liberal’s damaged neurons. The reader must remember Kaliher’s taken special training to delve into liberal mantras and inanities and escape intact. It’s so rare a quality; it’s the only thing Houdini returned from the beyond to learn.
Given this background, I realize you’re anxious to discover what I learned. However, it was readily apparent this had ramifications far beyond the political readers that frequent Ether Zone. These finding were disturbing for the art world. I had to debate with myself. I actually had a fist fight with myself in trying to determine if this article should be tailored to the political or the arts and entertainment audience. Black, blue and sweaty, I decided to write for both audiences.
Before continuing, I must issue a warning to everyone in California’s entertainment industry. I don’t care if you’re a Hollywood tycoon, a starlet prostituting herself for minor roles, a writer who’s memorized every liberal cliché, a cartoonist or wino painting himself to look like a statue in San Francisco, quit now. If you continue in the arts, there’s a great chance you’ll end up on death row. Move to Montana and rope a goat, immigrate to Mexicali and pet a cactus, or head east to work as a potted plant. Whatever you do, get out before you become a murderer.
Thank heavens I’m able to provide this service to the artistes out there. I realize America may have to import foreign movies, writings and television programming until Burlington can pick up for Hollywood, but it’ll save lives. Almost without exception California only puts artists on death row. I give you CCADP’s words (and the occasional remark in italics from yours truly):
Andre Alexander: "…visit his page for his essay on the Clinton debacle and the justice system, and examples of his artwork."
Rosie Alfaro: Now, guys I gotta tell you, Rosie is a fine looking woman. If Playboy ever does a layout of death row chicks I’d buy an issue to study Rosie closer. Amazingly, the CCADP doesn’t promote her as an artiste, but does state, " Please take a moment to click the button above to vote for Rosie's site. "Admittedly, I’m not certain what that means, or if having a site makes one an artiste, but I’m pretty certain Rosie could do well as a dancer in a gentleman’s club.
James Anderson: "Acclaimed Death Row artist…"
Thomas Battle: "…his page includes his penpal request and poetry."
Chay’im Ben-Sholom/Marshall: "His page includes many examples of his artwork, including original characters as well as more familiar ones!"
John G. Brown: "‘His pictures are colored pencil drawings depicting little nurses, little doctors, a little party as well as a little child petting an animal I believe.’-(From his cousin)"
Andre Burton: "Read Andre's Composition ‘A Message To Society’ which he writes from San Quentin's Death Row. He writes of his opinions of society, families, the US prison system, and his religious convictions."
Tracy Cain: "… he has developed deep aspirations in becoming a writer. …, Cain seeks with his writings to enlighten youth struggling with the realities of the urban jungle… His page includes writings, including one in which he writes of the death of his mother and brother in Jonestown, Guyana (Jim Jones)"
Steve Champion: "Champion received an Honorary Mention in the 1995 Pen Prison writing contest for his short story entitled ‘Escort’."
Kenneth Clair: "Visit Kenneth's webpage for his photos…" Thank goodness a photographer.
William Clark: ". His page includes a lengthy essay by William…" What death row could get by without an essayist?
H. J. Coddington: "Artwork Available from San Quentin’s Death Row. … read his essay and view examples of his artwork. Mr. Coddington will also create art to order, contact him directly for purchase information... ‘I was an author of gambling "how to" books and professional ‘21’ card counter and poker player…"
Scott Collins: ". His page includes his writings, ‘Irish Thoughts From An American Death Row’, and ‘Justice American Style.’"
Kevin Cooper: This guy must be one of the worst artists featured. The CCADP does not feature any of his talents. Instead you have to click on his web page and there you can find a link to his writing.
Glen Cornwell: "Glenn is an excellent and proficient writer on death row in San Quentin. We are proud to present some of his wonderful writings on this page." Glen, I reckon you gotta make up for that slacker Kevin listed above.
Mark Christopher Crew: "Mark's webpage includes his pen-pal request as well as some of his artwork."
Armenia Levi Cudjo Jr.: "The primary thesis of most Armenia's essays are arguments against capital punishment. He also writes about civil rights issues. His page currently features an essay entitled : Capital Punishment - A Journey of Death For 4000 Years - more writings to come soon.". .
Al Cunningham: "His page includes a collection of his writings and essays, including Surviving, Black Imprisonment, and Tide Turning Against the Death Penalty,…"
Kerry Lyn Dalton: Another lady and CCADP, the sexists, give her no thumbs up for her artistic abilities. However, if we look at her web page we find she’s seeking donations so she can engage in creative outlets. More importantly, Kerry looks okay, though she’s not up to Rosie’s standards, unless it’s a bad photograph, but still a shame to lose such a honey.
Richard Allen Davis: His page includes…, as well as many examples of his handcrafted work.
Keith Doolin: I don’t know what’s wrong with CCADP or Keith. Apparently Keith has no talent.
I’ll now skip most names, but next is a poet and short story man. Then comes an Indian, a white guy and a Latino with apparently no artistic abilities. However, don’t give up, for next comes a poet, then an artist and poet followed by an essayist and a:
Poet,
Poet.
Then comes a guy named Kiongozi R. Jones who is apparently so artistically challenged he couldn’t even get an honorable mention from the CCADP. It shook me, but then I discovered:
Writer,
Socio-political writer,
Poet and song writer,
No artistic talent,
Poet-writer,
Poet,
letter writer,
As hard as it is to believe, the CCADP gave Charles Ng no credit for art. Neither did they provide any credit for Scott Peterson although there are some nice photos of him and his late wife at his web page.
Poet,
Researching and writing a novel,
Essayist,
Poet,
Artist,
Writer,
Writer,
Artist,
Painter and writer,
Has a line of adult and inspirational greeting cards and calendars,
Writer and possible novelist,
Artist and poet,
And we finish of with a talent-less prisoner.
The pain, suffering and possible loss of art does not end with this list. Heck no, some of the greatest talent in the country has recently been executed, according to CCADP. However, Dear Readers, I warned you of this nuttiness. What is it, two or three innocent people now dead because famous liberals used their influence to get talented murderers out of jail? And do you think America’s liberal brethren north of the border weren’t paying attention? Heck yes, they were watching and decided they’d make every death row inmate possible into a talented, sensitive artist. Can you imagine how barbaric it will seem if we execute a talented poet? If I counted right, we have 41 talented prisoners and ten with no talent on death row, and I’m not recounting. I’m hacked off as they didn’t give the two broads any credit for art. For my money, Rosie’s the only damn one of them I’d pay to see.
Well, I don’t really know how to end this article, beyond warning all concerned to avoid doodling or sketching while in California. It’ll obviously turn you into both an artist of some sort and a death row inmate. I think I made my case for an example of above abnormal leftist thought. Did I mention Rosie looks innocent?
"Published originally at EtherZone.com : republication allowed with this notice and hyperlink intact."
www.etherzone.com/2005/kali081505.shtml
William Kaliher is a free-lance political columnist and a staff writer for the Ether Zone.
CAN THE ARTS SURVIVE?
CALIFORNIA'S DEATH ROW
By: William Kaliher
Note to Readers: Kaliher finished second in the 104th International Pickled Pig Knuckle eating contest held in central Mecca.
My gentle readers, I often try to explain the illogic, the mendacity, and the hypocrisy of the left. I realize if most liberals were animals, they’d be considered so defective they’d be euthanized. If their brain activity was actually compared to Mrs. Schiavo’s and someone pressed the issue, they would quickly face death by dehydration. I recognize child molestation, war, racism, starvation and theft would virtually disappear if there were no liberals supporting socialist irrationality. I comprehend all these things and more. However, I’m a compassionate conservative, so I try to avoid thinking along those lines. Admittedly it would be easier, less emotional and more humane to euthanize a liberal than a dog, a rabid monkey named Bob or a disabled person the Ted Kennedy crowd has marked for eradication. Yet, I personally couldn’t pull the plug on even something as worthless as a liberal.
I too am overly aware of their bizarre beliefs: global warming (or is it an ice age threatening today?): Karl Rove being a regular Lex Luthur; welfare without requirements actually helping; the threat of Christianity; Clear Channel radio reducing the information the public receives; holding contests without scoring. I could probably list thirty pages of leftist insanities without a break. All issues demanding an imbecilic outlook to accept.
There are times I admire the height of the lunacy, like old Jerry Falwell being more dangerous than a suicide bomber. A good comedy club lacks such material. On other occasions, I’m revolted by their convoluted thinking, like blaming the rape-murder of a child on the fact the criminal was put to bed without a snack when he was nine-years-old. Then, there are those rare times liberals put together a bit of madness that is actually impressive in its absurdness. I recently had that experience, but sadly it was imported. I fear our American liberals are too stunned over the Baghdad airport falling to reach the creative levels of bizarreness we’ve come to expect. It’s so bad for them, Canadian leftists have had to step in and help.
Yes, there is something called CCADP, (Canadian Coalition Against The Death Penalty). I realize it looks like a super-duper-clever U.S.S.R. Marxist title; no doubt Gorby would still be in power had he just thought of those initials. Anyway, with leftist fake Indian professors being exposed, socialist reporters caught daily, and old One-enema himself, Keith Olbermann spending so much time trying to look and sound like Patsy Schroeder, Canadian liberals had to step in and fight the California death penalty. You’re probably saying, "Surely Kaliher, you jest."
However, Kaliher remains his serious, non-humorous self and refers brave readers to click here if there is the slightest doubt. But, Kaliher does not recommend this site. He’s found a good case of jock itch to be less discomforting than a trip into a liberal’s damaged neurons. The reader must remember Kaliher’s taken special training to delve into liberal mantras and inanities and escape intact. It’s so rare a quality; it’s the only thing Houdini returned from the beyond to learn.
Given this background, I realize you’re anxious to discover what I learned. However, it was readily apparent this had ramifications far beyond the political readers that frequent Ether Zone. These finding were disturbing for the art world. I had to debate with myself. I actually had a fist fight with myself in trying to determine if this article should be tailored to the political or the arts and entertainment audience. Black, blue and sweaty, I decided to write for both audiences.
Before continuing, I must issue a warning to everyone in California’s entertainment industry. I don’t care if you’re a Hollywood tycoon, a starlet prostituting herself for minor roles, a writer who’s memorized every liberal cliché, a cartoonist or wino painting himself to look like a statue in San Francisco, quit now. If you continue in the arts, there’s a great chance you’ll end up on death row. Move to Montana and rope a goat, immigrate to Mexicali and pet a cactus, or head east to work as a potted plant. Whatever you do, get out before you become a murderer.
Thank heavens I’m able to provide this service to the artistes out there. I realize America may have to import foreign movies, writings and television programming until Burlington can pick up for Hollywood, but it’ll save lives. Almost without exception California only puts artists on death row. I give you CCADP’s words (and the occasional remark in italics from yours truly):
Andre Alexander: "…visit his page for his essay on the Clinton debacle and the justice system, and examples of his artwork."
Rosie Alfaro: Now, guys I gotta tell you, Rosie is a fine looking woman. If Playboy ever does a layout of death row chicks I’d buy an issue to study Rosie closer. Amazingly, the CCADP doesn’t promote her as an artiste, but does state, " Please take a moment to click the button above to vote for Rosie's site. "Admittedly, I’m not certain what that means, or if having a site makes one an artiste, but I’m pretty certain Rosie could do well as a dancer in a gentleman’s club.
James Anderson: "Acclaimed Death Row artist…"
Thomas Battle: "…his page includes his penpal request and poetry."
Chay’im Ben-Sholom/Marshall: "His page includes many examples of his artwork, including original characters as well as more familiar ones!"
John G. Brown: "‘His pictures are colored pencil drawings depicting little nurses, little doctors, a little party as well as a little child petting an animal I believe.’-(From his cousin)"
Andre Burton: "Read Andre's Composition ‘A Message To Society’ which he writes from San Quentin's Death Row. He writes of his opinions of society, families, the US prison system, and his religious convictions."
Tracy Cain: "… he has developed deep aspirations in becoming a writer. …, Cain seeks with his writings to enlighten youth struggling with the realities of the urban jungle… His page includes writings, including one in which he writes of the death of his mother and brother in Jonestown, Guyana (Jim Jones)"
Steve Champion: "Champion received an Honorary Mention in the 1995 Pen Prison writing contest for his short story entitled ‘Escort’."
Kenneth Clair: "Visit Kenneth's webpage for his photos…" Thank goodness a photographer.
William Clark: ". His page includes a lengthy essay by William…" What death row could get by without an essayist?
H. J. Coddington: "Artwork Available from San Quentin’s Death Row. … read his essay and view examples of his artwork. Mr. Coddington will also create art to order, contact him directly for purchase information... ‘I was an author of gambling "how to" books and professional ‘21’ card counter and poker player…"
Scott Collins: ". His page includes his writings, ‘Irish Thoughts From An American Death Row’, and ‘Justice American Style.’"
Kevin Cooper: This guy must be one of the worst artists featured. The CCADP does not feature any of his talents. Instead you have to click on his web page and there you can find a link to his writing.
Glen Cornwell: "Glenn is an excellent and proficient writer on death row in San Quentin. We are proud to present some of his wonderful writings on this page." Glen, I reckon you gotta make up for that slacker Kevin listed above.
Mark Christopher Crew: "Mark's webpage includes his pen-pal request as well as some of his artwork."
Armenia Levi Cudjo Jr.: "The primary thesis of most Armenia's essays are arguments against capital punishment. He also writes about civil rights issues. His page currently features an essay entitled : Capital Punishment - A Journey of Death For 4000 Years - more writings to come soon.". .
Al Cunningham: "His page includes a collection of his writings and essays, including Surviving, Black Imprisonment, and Tide Turning Against the Death Penalty,…"
Kerry Lyn Dalton: Another lady and CCADP, the sexists, give her no thumbs up for her artistic abilities. However, if we look at her web page we find she’s seeking donations so she can engage in creative outlets. More importantly, Kerry looks okay, though she’s not up to Rosie’s standards, unless it’s a bad photograph, but still a shame to lose such a honey.
Richard Allen Davis: His page includes…, as well as many examples of his handcrafted work.
Keith Doolin: I don’t know what’s wrong with CCADP or Keith. Apparently Keith has no talent.
I’ll now skip most names, but next is a poet and short story man. Then comes an Indian, a white guy and a Latino with apparently no artistic abilities. However, don’t give up, for next comes a poet, then an artist and poet followed by an essayist and a:
Poet,
Poet.
Then comes a guy named Kiongozi R. Jones who is apparently so artistically challenged he couldn’t even get an honorable mention from the CCADP. It shook me, but then I discovered:
Writer,
Socio-political writer,
Poet and song writer,
No artistic talent,
Poet-writer,
Poet,
letter writer,
As hard as it is to believe, the CCADP gave Charles Ng no credit for art. Neither did they provide any credit for Scott Peterson although there are some nice photos of him and his late wife at his web page.
Poet,
Researching and writing a novel,
Essayist,
Poet,
Artist,
Writer,
Writer,
Artist,
Painter and writer,
Has a line of adult and inspirational greeting cards and calendars,
Writer and possible novelist,
Artist and poet,
And we finish of with a talent-less prisoner.
The pain, suffering and possible loss of art does not end with this list. Heck no, some of the greatest talent in the country has recently been executed, according to CCADP. However, Dear Readers, I warned you of this nuttiness. What is it, two or three innocent people now dead because famous liberals used their influence to get talented murderers out of jail? And do you think America’s liberal brethren north of the border weren’t paying attention? Heck yes, they were watching and decided they’d make every death row inmate possible into a talented, sensitive artist. Can you imagine how barbaric it will seem if we execute a talented poet? If I counted right, we have 41 talented prisoners and ten with no talent on death row, and I’m not recounting. I’m hacked off as they didn’t give the two broads any credit for art. For my money, Rosie’s the only damn one of them I’d pay to see.
Well, I don’t really know how to end this article, beyond warning all concerned to avoid doodling or sketching while in California. It’ll obviously turn you into both an artist of some sort and a death row inmate. I think I made my case for an example of above abnormal leftist thought. Did I mention Rosie looks innocent?
"Published originally at EtherZone.com : republication allowed with this notice and hyperlink intact."
www.etherzone.com/2005/kali081505.shtml
William Kaliher is a free-lance political columnist and a staff writer for the Ether Zone.