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Post by legallybrunette on Aug 13, 2006 7:03:21 GMT -5
He has not written in 4 weeks - the longest silence from him in 4 years, since I failed to forward $100 to him as requested and he had gotten his mother to ring repeatedly to remind me that he was still waiting for the funds.... Kind of disappointed, Thought he was a friend and not a hanger on but I guess i was wrong. Friendship should be based surely on kindred spirit, not fiduciary advantage. Sniff. Feeling kind of sad about this.
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Post by Maggie on Aug 13, 2006 8:55:09 GMT -5
Wow LB... I am sorry to hear that. Maybe you should write him and tell him exactly what you just said..... and that it has hurt your feelings. He may feel that he is in a desperate situation, but that doesn't give him a free pass to hurt your feelings. I say tell him.... and his mom for that matter if she calls again.
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Post by legallybrunette on Aug 13, 2006 12:33:30 GMT -5
Thanks for your support Maggie - I just spoke to her a few minutes ago and put to her, what I wrote here though perhaps in softer terms as I am conscious that it is her flesh and blood languishing away on DR after all!! She denied that it was anything about the funds that hadn't materialised and that it was just coincidence that he hadn't written as regularly and that he always asks about me when they speak. Thing is, my memory is better than hers ; the last time she called a few days ago, it was to say straight away that the only thing her son had said when they spoke that day was to tell me he had STILL not got the funds he had asked for and this was his 4th reminder. She had specifically said that he didn't say anything else. Story has changed in the interim it seems!! Gets me down when a friend can do that. I counted them both as friends you know. Think it will be hard to trust another penpal after this. sigh.
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Post by pumpkinpie on Aug 13, 2006 15:05:58 GMT -5
I think he might be using you. I cannot believe he didn't care more about the only friend he has! Well, take Maggie's advice first and write him telling him how you feel. You might also want to add that you will not be sending him anymore money, because you feel you are being taken advantage of. Him and his mother are both trying to manipulate you, it sounds like. I can't help but say this, but at the beginning you were complaining about him being clingy, and having feelings for you, but I'm wondering if possibly you are in love with him? It kind of sounds like you have some feelings for him, as well. Whatever the case, don't let this guy tear you down, and don't give him another penny! He might be mad for awhile when he realizes the money is not coming in from you, but then he might get over it and be friends still. In your letter, I would explain how you feel, and that you still want to be friends, making it clear he won't be getting another penny though. Then ride it out, and see what happens. Hope my advice is helpful.
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Post by Maggie on Aug 13, 2006 18:12:01 GMT -5
Think it will be hard to trust another penpal after this. sigh. Ah, this has been tough... and I understand you being hesitant. But when you think about it- it's just like real life.... some friendships develope differently than others. Also-- people test each other in relationships.... No matter what-- I give you credit for trying Cheers to you ;D
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Post by legallybrunette on Aug 14, 2006 7:39:02 GMT -5
Thank you. I shall take on board what you both say on this. I think that perhaps I did develop a real affection for my penpal though I would not go so far as to say it was 'love' - certainly not the way I feel about my husband whom I adore after 12 years together. I just tend to really care for my friends so that I would do pretty much anything for them as I cannot bear to see them unhappy in some way. However, I had never had my friendship abused before this so it has been a learning curve for me. I didn't want to believe it at first but it is too glaringly obvious. Wise words too - that friendships are like this the world over. You are quite right. I guess I wouldn't have let someone calling themselves my friend, get this far in pestering me for funds or getting their mama to call me about it when I didn't pay over all they asked for. There was a bit of self recrimination going on in the back of my mind too - did either of you ever feel at times, that maybe your writing to someone on DR was prompted by the need to comfort yourselves that no matter how tough life got for you, there was always someone out there worse off ? I know this sounds awful but at times I did question whether my choosing to write to my penpal, given his predicament, had been prompted by a more selfish self seeking motive than the caring one I persuaded myself was the real one for writing in the first place or putting in the odd order for a CD or an item of stationary for him, when asked to do so. Maybe he took my agreeing to small purchases to mean that it was ok to demand more. I am going to give him one last chance as everyone deserves that one last chance don't you think? I shall write and tell him how disappointed I feel and acknowledge that perhaps being in there for 21 years from age 18, has meant he may have no real understanding of what is and is not acceptable behaviour in demanding funds, particularly if such conduct is condoned by his mother!
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Post by foxy101 on Sept 29, 2006 11:01:25 GMT -5
I write to a man on the row. My previous pp was a "player" and I swore that I would never write to an inmate again but I did. This man is very nice, has never asked for a dime, just my letters. Being so much against the DP I really like the idea of brightening someones day with news from outside the walls.
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Post by dreamlover on Nov 13, 2006 19:36:29 GMT -5
I write to a man on the row. My previous pp was a "player" and I swore that I would never write to an inmate again but I did. This man is very nice, has never asked for a dime, just my letters. Being so much against the DP I really like the idea of brightening someones day with news from outside the walls. Thats great Foxy! I was writing to a man in Florida but have had to end the relationship because he was asking for too much from me. I'm now looking for a new pp myself. They aren't all bad but the ones that are can put you off.
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Post by janicekbutler on Dec 26, 2006 11:47:54 GMT -5
I am a 51 year old divorced mother of 2, grandmother of 2....I have just exchanged first letters with my new friend on DR in Nevada. I would of never thought I would write someone in that situation for many different reasons. I no longer support the death penalty, but must admit in my younger years I did. I heard of the write an inmate sites through an online friend. She was actually appalled by the sites. Saying something along the lines of victims can't get mail now can they?? I checked the site more out of curiosity than anything else. I started reading the information and then profiles....One face jumped out at me and I knew I had to write. Everyone needs a friend...no matter what they may or may not have done. When I received my first reply it was so positive I knew I had done the right thing. This may not be something everyone would want to do but it's right for me! I'm not looking for anything but to be a friend and make a friend. Letting someone know they are not forgotten and matter to another human being can only be rewarding...share a laugh or two. We ALL need that!!!
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Post by bluesbabe on Jun 17, 2007 12:13:09 GMT -5
Oh boy! No - not for romance in my case either...
Many years ago, I was engaged to someone who went to prison. He didn't tell me about the charges he was up on (so sure that he was going to beat them) and so I began to change my life looking to move near the prison in Minnesota and then to Madison WI when the got transferred there. I spent holidays traveling there to see him, sent money and one day just gave my head a shake...this was NOT what I had in mind for myself.
I do, however, care about justice, wrongful convictions and have always wanted to work in the legal world. Perhaps becoming a pen pal will make a difference to someone and allow me to, selfishly, live vicariously through them around my desire to defend/fight for someone innocent who really needs help.
Thanks for reading this and for your wonderful website CDADP!
Wishing everyone sunshine,
Michele
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DPisBS
Settlin' In
Against
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Post by DPisBS on Aug 20, 2007 12:49:19 GMT -5
I am new here, and I must admit I found it hard to choose a penpal. To stop my choice on one was almost heartbreaking to me. I finally wrote to one DR prisoner in Florida last week, and I hope a response. I hope I will make a little difference in his cruel daily routine.
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Post by janet on Aug 24, 2007 16:35:52 GMT -5
Yes, it it heartbreaking when you must "choose". I, too, hope you receive a response from Florida. I can sincerely assure you, from my own very rich experience, that your letter will be a ray of sunshine in the midst of living through the horror.
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DPisBS
Settlin' In
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Post by DPisBS on Aug 25, 2007 10:58:14 GMT -5
Thanks Janet for your kind words. I was more than surprised when I found a letter from Florida in my mail box thursday ! I was anxious to read it, and did so, again and again. I'm happy if I can give him some smile, and good thoughts. I wrote back to him and I mailed my letter yesterday. He looks so kind and caring. I really hopes this will be the begining of a solid freindship.
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Post by janet on Aug 25, 2007 19:19:34 GMT -5
You're very welcome. I'm delighted that you received a letter and I, too, hope this will be the beginning of a long, rewarding friendship. It always amazes me that a letter, a card, a simple kind though can truly bring such joy into a person's life. The entire day for these men and women takes on an entirely different meaning. One person truly can make a difference. Good luck!
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Post by minniemousexox on Oct 4, 2007 22:58:10 GMT -5
::)hey whatsup! Yo Anyways, Im from NZ, we dont have DR..yeh-yah! anyways, I have been watching DR. website for as long as I can remember..I saw a doco on corrections giveing prisoners a hardtime in jail. and thats not me. when it comes to people. as a practiseing christian. I decided to study it more. spending money looking at men on the R...and well! I guess...I will decide if I want to be a pal...because these men are desperate. and I cant give them anything to help them Im guessing they just want off the fricken R. they learn before crime not to commit crime so whats changed. have they got it they are dyeing soon! does it even matter to them what dyeing is. because we, people who arent on DR! care because we are allowed to live! or... what are they thinking I mean to spend that long like that. is my guess...desperate! needy..deserving people. it is a pittyless waste. and sad! Ill study my DR penpal. before I write to him/her. and I have a good job, I will ensure my pen-pal gets the best. and eventually I would like see one pal a him/her b4 death. not as a witness...
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