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Post by attitude on Sept 19, 2005 21:21:11 GMT -5
Wow, reading that made me realise how lucky I am in life! I cannot imagine going through what you have!!! I've been in therapy since my Dad died in March, 2004. His passing was the straw on the camel's back, as they say. I refuse to take meds because my depression and anxiety is what they term "situational". Unfortunately, my situation doesn't seem to be changing all that much. As my son and I move closer to hearing dates and a possible new trial, I am finding myself reliving the day I found Maddie's body and all of what took place from that point on. His case attracted national and international attention, and the media made my life a friggin' nightmare for a long, long time. Any sort of privacy I had went right out the proverbial window and our lives were from that point, on public display, whether the information was factual or not. In fact, truth and fact had very little impact on what was reported as "news". Josh's father was killed in a car crash less than a year after the travesty that masqueraded as a trial, my mother passed six months later, followed by the death of a friend who was killed as a result of a hit and run, and two more friends died from cancer, one other died of a heart attack, and my best friend just died from cancer at the beginning of July. I've been fired from a job when I was told they "could no longer" handle my "situation". Another well-meaning friend bought me a schnauzer puppy to give me some joy in my life, and she did. Until she died less than a week later from a metabolic brain deformity. Subsequently, the breeder gave me the sister to the puppy who died, who I'm glad to report, is thriving and keeping Josh's beagle company while I am at work each day. Which, I might add, is an extremely stressful job! I do have to chuckle when a well-meaning friend sent me a workbook on managing stress in my life. I took the test on Page 3 where my stress level was evaluated. I scored over 600 points on a scale that only went up to 300 points, beside which was the notation "Seek Professional Help Immediately". I was then too depressed to even read the rest of the book! My doctors have told me I need to reduce my stress level as well. I'm doing the best I can with what I have to work with, and some days, there just isn't all that much left to work with. I do still have a lot of contentment and joy in my life, and I bless those days when I can still experience that. My faith in a brighter tomorrow is what keeps me going. Even when I fall into those sporadic periods of quiet desperation, I cling to my faith. I allow myself only so much wallow time, then I get majorly annoyed with myself. I know I'm at that point when even my dogs refuse to have anything to do with me. My psychologist hasn't charged me a cent since April of 2004. I suspect he's writing a book. He's already told me he's never had anyone in his entire career who has had anything remotely like I have experienced. I find that amusing as well. In fact, my sense of humor, along with my faith, has sustained me thus far. Well, anyroad. Maybe I should write my own book about stress... LOL Missy
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Post by oztash on Sept 20, 2005 23:34:22 GMT -5
[quote author=miscmood board=tinachurch
thread=1123108082 post=1127150393]I've been in therapy since my Dad died in March, 2004. His passing was the straw on the camel's back, as they say. I refuse to take meds because my depression and anxiety is what they term "situational". Unfortunately, my situation doesn't seem to be changing all that much.
As my son and I move closer to hearing dates and a possible new trial, I am finding myself reliving the day I found Maddie's body and all of what took place from that point on. His case attracted national and international attention, and the media made my life a friggin' nightmare for a long, long time. Any sort of privacy I had went right out the proverbial window and our lives were from that point, on public display, whether the information was factual or not. In fact, truth and fact had very little impact on what was reported as "news".
Josh's father was killed in a car crash less than a year after the travesty that masqueraded as a trial, my mother passed six months later, followed by the death of a friend who was killed as a result of a hit and run, and two more friends died from cancer, one other died of a heart attack, and my best friend just died from cancer at the beginning of July. I've been fired from a job when I was told they "could no longer" handle my "situation". Another well-meaning friend bought me a schnauzer puppy to give me some joy in my life, and she did. Until she died less than a week later from a metabolic brain deformity. Subsequently, the breeder gave me the sister to the puppy who died, who I'm glad to report, is thriving and keeping Josh's beagle company while I am at work each day. Which, I might add, is an extremely stressful job!
I do have to chuckle when a well-meaning friend sent me a workbook on managing stress in my life. I took the test on Page 3 where my stress level was evaluated. I scored over 600 points on a scale that only went up to 300 points, beside which was the notation "Seek Professional Help Immediately". I was then too depressed to even read the rest of the book!
My doctors have told me I need to reduce my stress level as well. I'm doing the best I can with what I have to work with, and some days, there just isn't all that much left to work with.
I do still have a lot of contentment and joy in my life, and I bless those days when I can still experience that. My faith in a brighter tomorrow is what keeps me going. Even when I fall into those sporadic periods of quiet desperation, I cling to my faith. I allow myself only so much wallow time, then I get majorly annoyed with myself. I know I'm at that point when even my dogs refuse to have anything to do with me.
My psychologist hasn't charged me a cent since April of 2004. I suspect he's writing a book. He's already told me he's never had anyone in his entire career who has had anything remotely like I have experienced. I find that amusing as well.
In fact, my sense of humor, along with my faith, has sustained me thus far.
Well, anyroad. Maybe I should write my own book about stress... LOL
Missy Iam so sorry to hear about the terrible avents in your life at the moment. Please know that Iam thinking and praying for you, Josh and your family. Please let me know if there is anything that I can do for you. Missy, I wish you and Josh all the best for the hearing and possible re-trial, please keep us all informed. If you need anything or just want to talk, feel free to email or pm me anytime. Love Tasha Missy[/quote]
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Deb
Settlin' In
~If you regret anything in life, don't regret not spending enough time with your children~
Posts: 42
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Post by Deb on Sept 21, 2005 0:46:51 GMT -5
Missy,
My heart just goes out to you so much.
Since the first post where you (for lack of a better word) "revealed" your situation with your son, I have thought of you often and couldn't even imagine dealing with what you have.
Your posts have been so very interesting to me, knowing what your going through and yet reading the positive, god loving life you lead. Now after reading your post here, I can't even put into words how I feel. It is just unfathomable that one person would have to endure so much pain and tragedy in one lifetime, much less just 7 yrs.
It always amazes me when I come across someone that is just getting hit with one bad thing after another and continue to look for the silver lining. Let me tell you, I so admire the person you are. I don't think I have ever said this to anyone, but it only seems fitting, God Bless you Missy.
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Post by dio on Sept 22, 2005 20:58:15 GMT -5
Missy, It is perhaps to seldom in my life that I take the time to commend people for their strength.I think I have done it like 1 or 2 times on these boards.It takes a very special person to draw out my compassionate side,I sincerely pray that somewhere in the near future my Father in Heaven will cut you some slack...Surely he knows you have endured enough for 50 people
May God Bless you and yours dio
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Post by swebb on Sept 22, 2005 22:39:35 GMT -5
Missy, I read about your son's case and I think that it is a travesty in our system when we put a child in prison for the rest of their lives with absolutely no chance for parole. I feel for all that you have had to go through and hope that the good Lord will find it in him to just give you a break. God bless you friend
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miscmood
Doin' Time
If the world is night, shine my life like a light
Posts: 78
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Post by miscmood on Sept 23, 2005 16:59:09 GMT -5
Wow, thank you all! I was just saying to Tina that points of light, however, and wherever, God chooses to shine them are such a gift! In the past several months, so many people have entered my life and Josh's as well, and we are continually amazed by the support we have received and continue to receive. It's a hard life made so much more do-able when things get particularly rough. Just when I think I am at the point of no return, someone touches my life and causes a shift in the delicate balance. Basically, I have a very content life much of the time, and find a lot of joy in life, but I have had to learn to look for these precious places of respite and revival in some pretty unusual places. This life is all about choices, and each day, I have a choice to make about how I will move forward in this life. It does get pretty challenging and sometimes downright daunting and lonely at times due to the reason why Josh is where he is. Because I love my son, it is sometimes difficult to separate my life from his, and that is when I find myself in the most trouble emotionally. When I can separate my own life from his, just a bit, it allows the Light to shine on the path once more. I treasure those rare people in my life who are willing and able to walk this journey with me and Josh, because it isn't easy sometimes, and I know what Herculean strength it takes to stand with us.
I will continue to fight for my son, and will love him with all of my heart until I am no more. My heart has a great many cracks in it, and sometimes I wonder if these are weak areas that threaten to separate at any moment, or if these cracks represent welded areas that have in actual fact, reinforced my heart and made it that much stronger.
As a result, I am once more finding my way in this world; the sojourn is sometimes bittersweet, but always worth while. I recently moved out of my house and am finding a great deal of peace in my new place. I am playing my guitar a lot more often and have begun working on a new novel that is shaping up rather nicely.
Josh and I are truly blessed. He is so very relieved that I have found such strong support, because he worries about me being on my own. When I tell him about so many of you here in this group, and the many good people on Josh's Forum, he is so very thankful. We both have a very strong faith and it sustains us.
Someone sent this quote to me recently, but it was not signed, so I have no idea who to give credit to, but I thought it's just right to share here:
"Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has many--not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some."
Gentle Peace to you all, Missy
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Post by dio on Sept 23, 2005 18:07:32 GMT -5
Please tell when your novel is finished....Provided it isn't a "girly""Mushy"type dio will read it ,if you write as well in it as you do here it will be quite a read
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miscmood
Doin' Time
If the world is night, shine my life like a light
Posts: 78
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Post by miscmood on Sept 27, 2005 6:12:54 GMT -5
Please tell when your novel is finished....Provided it isn't a "girly""Mushy"type dio will read it ,if you write as well in it as you do here it will be quite a read No, Dio, it's not going to be a "mushy girly" book. don't tend to view people as sexual beings, but as spiritual beings. Not to say the characters won't have sexual experiences, tho! They are human, after all. At least in my mind's eye, where they live and take shape as I write about their lives, they are. When I work on a novel, my characters become very real to me, to the point that I forget they don't exist except to me. That is, until the book is finished. My editor felt the same way about the characters in my first novel, which was a fantasy. It's a unique process, to be sure. Thanks for your thoughts, Missy
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Post by rain on Sept 27, 2005 7:56:11 GMT -5
Missy~ Your such a strong person and you truly cease to amaze me. I wish you all the best and cannot wait for your book. I hope your spirits and health remain strong.
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Post by skyloom on Jan 17, 2006 10:49:51 GMT -5
I've been in therapy since my Dad died in March, 2004. His passing was the straw on the camel's back, as they say. I refuse to take meds because my depression and anxiety is what they term "situational". Unfortunately, my situation doesn't seem to be changing all that much. I understand not taking meds, Missy, but sometimes it does help you get over a particularly rough time. Meds won't get you through life, but there's no weakness in taking care of your health when you need to get through a particular few weeks. Sadly, there are many people who have had the same experience. Maybe the only good to come out of it all is that those people are there for you, to help you cope. Find them, and ask them for what you need. We're in this life together. Ah, hug those doggies. And cherish those bright moments. They are the Creator's way of letting you know that the Creator will always be there for you. Maybe, but maybe when you are past this time you will be helping someone else to get through.
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miscmood
Doin' Time
If the world is night, shine my life like a light
Posts: 78
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Post by miscmood on Feb 10, 2006 23:12:53 GMT -5
Thank you, skyloom, for your kind words. It's been awhile since I've been on this forum as I'm trying to keep up with Josh's forum. Emotionally, there's not enough of me to go around to take care of all that I would like to, because my son's case can be so draining at times. I do appreciate your caring and support.
Onwards and upwards, Missy
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Post by judywaits4u on Feb 12, 2006 5:09:50 GMT -5
Dear Sky, A lot of people who are creative have a serious problem with meds stunting their creativity. Look at Vincent Van Gogh who did most of his best work while in asylums. Michael Angelo had bipolar. The other amazing thing is the number writers, including Sue Townsend who are dylexic. I wrote all my published poetry and the first twenty years of my autobiography (That is still with my publisher waiting for me to get back to it) while I was contemplating suicide.
For some of us meds might help to effects of our condition but they all damage parts of us at the same time, that is why people refer to them as being a "Chemical straightjacket".
Love and hugs, Judy
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Post by mizvee1419 on Apr 30, 2008 12:14:21 GMT -5
I haven't read the comments yet but i will soon but by the way who cares what they think as long as we stand for whats right!!!!!! well who cares let him have that heart attack it won't be our fault!
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