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Post by CCADP on May 2, 2005 6:35:36 GMT -5
E-mail Richard Cartwright at chitown@1prison.com. Be sure to include your mailing address because inmates don't have access to the internet. www.1prison.com
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Post by CCADP on May 9, 2005 8:25:05 GMT -5
UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright May 01, 2005
Richard Cartwright EXECUTION DATE SET for May 19, 2005
Man it is 1:59 p.m. and I got a whole lot on my mind at this time so y'all get ready for a ride into the madness which is my mind, my inner thoughts.
DEATH WATCH today has been a trip. Second round of recreation, 7:30 p.m. Lonnie and I hit the outside "Flex-Yard", usually it is time for some serious push-ups or pull-ups..not this morning.Lonnie's got 2 days, less then 2 days and a wake-up.Lonnie and I are just outside ride'n'like "there ain't no tomorrow".
Can y'all dig that? f*ck no you can't!!
Lonnie's got lots on his mind and we ride. I'm there for my boy and se shared things, things that don't much get shared between 2 men in prison.thought's of God, love.hardships, sorrow and regrets. Things so personal that I could never share with another soul.2 men facing death.
Man this dude has been my neighbor for 3 months.this dude's date just got me all f*cked up!! Just listening to his "Run-Down" on this "Death Process".he already had 1 of his "All-Day" visits on April 29, 2005!! Man it is just way too much, but I listen.
I talk, I think.can y'all dig that? No, you can't!!! Get on your know and thank GOD you can't. I can and it rocks my every thought.
I'm rambling y'all, but I can't think straight. I can't control my emotions or what they lead me to write.
It's 2:15 p.m. and the clock won't stop.it keeps going.Lonnie will get his 2nd AND LAST "all day" visit tomorrow.then 4 hours Tuesday and that is all she wrote!!!
I'm tryong to get Irene "a wonderful Christian woman" to call me out for a visit on the 3rd to see Lonnie and his family!! Why? Because he asked me if I would!
Lord give me strength.cause I'm gonna need it.
Ya know I got a real special visit coming May 6th, 7th. I look sooo forward to this visit, but feel so guilty about it.life goes on, right? Not for Lonnie!!!
f*ck, this is some crazy ass sh*t here!!! Up and down, upside down, right side up and lop-sided.highs and lows.
I saw my daughter, mother and ex-wife last night. Unbelievable visit!!! Lil Miss Ricki.to see my baby smile, laugh.my mom came all the way from Chicago for a 2 hour visit pretty much to "play" referee between Brandy (my ex-wife) and I.so I could see my daughter, Ricki, who's brown eyes shown so bright when she opened the picture I drew her. To see that.to feel that magic, that gratitude, that thankfullness, to be able to have the ability to make her happy, to see her dimpled faced in laughter.
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Post by CCADP on May 9, 2005 8:25:21 GMT -5
It is now 3:15 p.m. and I just got back from standing at the door talking to Lonnie.he hollered at me and I went to ride, once again, with my boy!!
Lonnie and I just received a kite from Sarge (Cleve W. Foster, III, 999470). I'm sending it to Suzanne to add here.yes right here Suzie "Q" : )
By Cleve W. Foster, III, 999470:
"'Please God'
I've never asked for much, Lord, but today, my heart is heavy. I was grace to have spent a short time with a brother in Christ. And Lord, as you know, he's less than 72 hours left on this earth. 'Please God', I'd give all for the world to see the peace in his eyes and the smile that say's 'I'm ready to go home.' The light that shines from 78 cell and 79 cell speaks truth to your word. The light does shine in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it. So I ask 'Please God, can we keep them here for a bit, please!'
Yo Shy and Lonnie, bro, my heart is so touched by the light that shines from you guy's corner of the world.
I've been in that dayroom several times and have felt the Death that comes from beyond that door. 'Brother', today it was not there. The power that's going in and coming out of 78, 79 is nothing less than the power of God, 'huh', who would have thought that two people, 'men', whom I was sure were heathen are now shining with so much of the Lord's light.
I'm sure our Lord has a smile that goes from East to West. I'm speechless.
Gotto go, Sarge : )
'Unnamed'
What can you say? Nothing. No one know's what happened with him. Why he just stopped giving a crap. You have to ask yourself, 'What makes a person fall to that level?'
He started off with life dealing him a nil hand, so he learned to play with what he had and the ups and downs just come. 'That's life', but you're still limited to the hand you're dealt. That is until you find a way to draw new cards. It's a game of chance, that's all life is. Do I draw? Do I take that chance he seeds?
Well, he did and drew the spider, 'the black widow'. She gave and took til he was ready to be eaten. Sucked him dry and spit up the powder. The powder that drew them in one after the other and now the price has to be paid.
What can you say? Nothing.
Sarge : )"
Wow, once again, I'm truly touched and so is Lonnie. Please understand that Lonnie and I have both made our share of "people who don't too much like us" because of our actions and words throughout our imprisonment! For Sarge to say that about the "light" shine from our cells.Man, I have God, but I do not feel to bright right now. I feel a tremendous weight on my shoulders with Lonnie.hi is at peace.I'm not!!
Pam, who I saw on visit last Saturday, Pam, the woman who helped Lonnie's transformation. He told me "Chi-Town, this woman can be no less than heaven sent to me". Pam, thank you for giving my friend and brother the love he needed to break-down these walls and see the 'whole' picture.to let him get past his anger and to find peace in God.
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Post by CCADP on May 9, 2005 8:25:39 GMT -5
Boy, change the subject once again.
It is 3:37 p.m. and I'm sitting here listening to K-DOL and I heard my daughter on the radio "Daddy, I love you. This is Ricki!!" She even dedicated "our sound" to me, "Butterfly kisses". I'm crying like I have not cried in 8 years.this little girl has showed me so much about myself that I never even knew was there.
4:04 p.m.- As I write this, K-DOL plays a message from my mom.and a song "Press-On". What I ever did in my life to have the love that Ricki and my mom gave me.I don't know, but I'm one lucky guy. Now words necessary or adequate to express my feelings and of how they make me feel. What did I ever do to have these 2 "ladies" in my life. Butterfly Kisses, Ricki Marie, Butterfly Kisses back to you from you Daddy.Butterfly Kisses Princess!!!
At 3 00 p.m. Lonnie hollered over here and said to me "Chi-Town, I got 51 hours left. Life is good, just short." I laughed!! He laughed!! We laughed. Character that is character. 51 hours left in life and he can still laugh and kick it with me!!!
Once again, please forgive me jumping around with all this.I've been writing times and things Lonnie has been saying on my cell wall. I guess I do that to.I don't know why, but I do it.
How long will these words cover this coffin's wall? They will last 'til May 19th for sure, but I don't know after that. I'm glad.well almost glad I'm next, well Wolfe is the 18th.but he and I are gonna pretty much ride it out together.
I really can't sit here and go through this again like I'm doing with Lonnie. He has told me thanks for listening dawg, man I'm glad I got you to talk to. It ain't easy let me tell you, but I'm honored to help him in any way possible.whatever that may take. Just like he has listened to me. I listen to him.
Man, I have soo many letters to write, yet I write nothing at all this weekend. I can't seem to find the words to say.I'm at a point where I'm beyond "words" to write or jokes to tell, smiles to share. I'm going through so much in my mind. Once again."What if".those 2 words haunt me daily and nightly!! 24/7..."What if." I'm just tripping right now people.just speaking my heart and mind.Oh, you did notice.
I said earlier I had a visit with Rick, right? Who'd of thought? My mom would have thought.that is who, I owe that visit to.my mom flew from Chicago to make sure that visit would happen.a 2 hours visit.a visit that she and I spoke less than 30 minutes. At the end when I apologized to her, her words were "This visit was not about us, it was for Ricki and you!!" All the way from Chicago and my mom is not "over-flowing" in the cash department.
Mouse, "on Eagle's Wing", forever and always. Thank you Mouse, that was a beautiful song : ).
Marina, I heard hour message and you voice. Thank you, eh!!
Jennie, keep a rock'n'me, baby : ). Your music lifts me up so very much.
Suzanne, man, you keep wanting to kick someone's butt!! You need therapy, woman!! HaHa!Ha!
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Post by CCADP on May 9, 2005 8:26:01 GMT -5
So many wonder and caring people have reached out to me, especially, these past 2 months.and I thank you, I thank you so very much. The thing is I no longer have the time to write back.16 days and a wake-up left.I will continue Uncensored all the way the the Walls' Unit. I've been working on some drawings, along with my writings and there are a few I really need to get done before it's too late. Please do not think y'all's support has gone unappreciated.Please know I'm saving all these e-mails, if I see May 20, 2005, I will write back. 5:49 p.m- Mouse, I'm not the Wind beneath your wings, you are the wind beneath mine. What an Angel you are, thank you. For all y'all tripping on these little messages.I'm listening to K-DOL and having messaged from these people.It seems when all my strength and tenacity is slipping.Man, I heard my daughter's voice on the radio today!!! In the same breath, may I say Lonnie will have his last "all-day" visit tomorrow. Ups and downs for real!!! 6:08 p.m.- Lonnie just called over here and said "Man, I wish I could fall asleep so tomorrow morning would get here so I can see Pam!!!" So, this nut wants to rush time to see Pam!! No offense Pam, but.not but.that is what true love is. I'm burned out for the day, folks. I have not re-read this mumble-jumble for fear I will rip it up. 1 day and a wake up for Lonnie... In Struggle, R. Cartwright 999224 Polunsky Unit 3872 F.M. 350 S. Livingston, TX 77351 E-mail Richard Cartwright at chitown@1prison.com. Be sure to include your mailing address because inmates don't have access to the internet. www.1prison.com
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Post by CCADP on May 9, 2005 12:41:19 GMT -5
UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright May 02 to May 04, 2005
Richard Cartwright EXECUTION DATE SET for May 19, 2005
May 02, 2005
9:30 p.m.- Well, hello again people.it has been another long day and it ain't near over yet. I have a few minutes until Lonnie hollas at me again. He is listening to Sunny 99.1, listening for a dedication from Pam (Smile).
Well, the day started off pretty bad and for the most part stayed that way..8.15 p.m., I'm in the dayroom first round of recreation.Lonnie comes to his door, "G'morning Chi-Town, what's up?" We talk a bit and he says "Man, I sure would like to get a hair cut before my last all day visit."
So I hollered at the picket officer to please call rank and I did say please.to see about Lonnie getting a hair cut before the visit, of course she only got through to Sgt. Henderson who really is not too bright a fella. Hell, I can say this for sure. He has no problem telling an inmate a bold face lie to his face for he has done it to me twice.
Sgt. Henderson's response to the question is "He can get a hair cut at the Wall's Unit!"
HA!HA!HA! That is pretty dame funny don't cha think. So that is life a day before death here at the Polunsky Unit. Tough sh*t have a nice day.
Lonnie just shook his head.which if you know Lonnie, that in itself was a surprise. He just said, "dog, I will talk to Major Nelson sometime today and see if she can arrange for me to get a hair cut tonight and of course Major Nelson made sure it got done, no problems, no bull-crap.
Lonnie left out of here today about 8:10 a.m. for his last all day visit. I just tripped out watching him go thinking tomorrow I will watch this again around the same time and it will be the last time I will ever see Lonnie. I hope and pray that he gets a stay, but I also prepare for the worse case scenario.
All day, I thought about what Lonnie and his family are talking about out there, what is Pam saying to make him smile? What can anyone say.I sure do not know what I will say or what can be said at that point.
Lonnie headed back from visit around 5:15 p.m. He hit the dayroom and started talking to me and a few others here on death watch.
At 5:15 p.m., the picket officer gets on the speaker and says "Gary Sterling, pack up, you're moving to E-Pod!!" So as Lonnie awaits death tomorrow, Gary gets some breathing room and Lonnie is the first on to congratulate Sterling on his reprieve from death.
So now we all have mixed emotions for Gary and his family, friends and loved ones. I feel bad feeling good for Gary while Lonnie is in the grips of death.
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Post by CCADP on May 9, 2005 12:41:35 GMT -5
So after a bit Lonnie comes in the day room and we stared riding at the doors. We rode 'til about.or exactly 7:21 p.m. when Robert Shields, another good, real good friend of mine gets moved in here to death watch.
Damn!!! He has a date for August 23rd!! What a bye night we are having here in our own little hell, eh?
You think if I stand at my door long enough they will come over the speaker and tell me pack it up!!?? I can dream can't I!?
Well, at this moment it is now 10:23 p.m. and Lonnie and I just got done talking some more.this really is a mind blowing experience for real.enough said for now, Lonnie and I are gonna ride the night away.
May 03, 2005
Well, it is right now 11:19 a.m. and it has been on heck of a night and morning so far.
Lonnie and I rode 'til about 11:30 p.m. last night and I told him to holla at me when he wakes up in the morning. Well, I missed the 3 a.m. chow call for breakfast and ended up waking up around 5:30 a.m. and Lonnie's light was already on..so he obviously did not want to talk or he would have woke me up. Who knows what he is thinking at this point.
Anyway, I turn my light on, brush my teeth and make a cup of coffee (YES, I got a hotpot, not!!)! Well, I make sure to make as much noise as possible so Lonnie will know I'm awake in case he wants to ride for a bit.
About 7:30 a.m. he hollas at me, "Hey, what's up Chi. I got some more stuff for you." He has already passed what commissary he had to me last night and this morning he sent me some clothes and some kites to send to some guys here on the row.
I told him last night I feel like a grave robber as he gives me all his property that his family did not want..He kept telling me, "Man, I can give it to you or throw it on the run." So I take what he sends with an uneasiness.
Well, at 8:04 a.m., the came to get him for his 4 hour visit with his family and loved ones. "Take it easy Lonnie. Keep your head up. You and your family are in my prayers."
He said "Right on Chi. See you on the other side, Wood!"
Will those be the last words we ever say to each other? Most likely yes, but one can never tell.
It is now 11:26 a.m. and the death van should be here no later than 12:15 p.m..at around 11:55 a.m. I will grab a pencil and pad and get up in my stinking ass window and watch another F*&$ing hand-off.
Man, I'm pissed.it is weird because I know I'm not supposed to be. Man, I prayed all night and a lot this morning, even told Lonnie about a few scriptures I read that I thought might comfort him. Still I do not feel at peace, myself and I really do not want to feel at peace. I feel that my anger is justified!
Why? I guess because I'm watching this crooked system take another friends life! Is he guilty? Does it matter? I mean, really, does it matter? It does not matter to me! I know what kind of man Lonnie is inside. His heart is golden, but the media nor anyone in this system of blood justice will ever show that side of Lonnie.
Oh, yeah, he can be a real a*&hole too! HA!HAH!HA! Believe me, I know this, too, but once again, can't we all be rather difficult when we want to be?
I just want y'all to know this system is not too humane from my point of view. Another day in paradise here on the row, eh?
Man, if I could grow hair, I bet it would be gray by now!! I'm ALMOST grateful that I do not have to bare witness to this madness much longer. Brain Wolfe has a date for May 18 and I for the day there after. One more before me, another damn good friend of min, Wolfe and I have been kicking it for about 7 years now. Now I get to see his family out there suffering right along with my own, but in a way, a very selfish way, I'm glad I got Wolfe to go this difficult rode with me.
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Post by CCADP on May 9, 2005 12:41:48 GMT -5
Don't get me wrong, I would walk it alone and not be mad at anybody.I do not wish this on Wolfe or anyone else for that matter, but to go through it with a man I consider a friend, a man who has the same fears and doubts and worries that I have! It helps, it helps a whole lot and I'm thankful for it. We have had quite a few discussions on what is going down on the 18th and 19th for real...
Man, Lonnie is gone, my neighbor is gone, my friend is gone. I just hope that he gets a last minute stay of some sort!
11:44 a.m. and I'm going to the window!! 11:55 a.m.- The troops are starting to gather. I can't tell who is all there. I can see Warden Alford. I recognize him mostly because he is in "free-world" clothes like all the Wardens. I believe it is protocol for all 3 Polunsky Unit Wardens to be present due to the severity of the circumstances.
12:01 p.m.- Death Van is on time today. I count 13 people out there right now..
12:13 p.m.- Lonnie comes out of 12 bld., (I guess I was writing when he came from his visit to 12 building).
As he is ready to step up into the van, I hit on the metal by the window.
Lonnie looks up, smiles, tilts his head and that is the last I saw of him. He looked right at my window, too. He smiled, that is true character there people. Once again, it is time to black out my window, turn off my light.
12:14 p.m.- Gone.
It is 4:12 p.m. and time keeps on ticking, ticking..time stops for no one.
What really sucks is Lonnie and I have been joking and laughing at his date and mine for the past 3 months.just breaking the tension.believe me when I say, we had 1 too many serious talks about our dates as well. Things I want to share, but won't! I know this is Uncensored, but I will respect my friend's wishes as fare as keeping between us, what is between us. Sorry, but that's life or death, or whatever.
Pam, I don't know what 6 p.m. holds for Lonnie, but know, no matter what he faces, your love has carried him through these past few months. He talked far more about how much he loves you and you him, than anything else.
May 04, 2005
Lonnie Pursley was "Humanely Murdered" last night in the name of Blood Justice.
Not even "News" anymore, eh? I listened to my radio until midnight and heard NOTHING about Lonnie. TOO QUIET TOO CLEAN!!!
I found out this morning form an officer!
Rest in Peace Lonnie, the fight is over. My sincere condolences go out to all of Lonnie's family, loved ones and friends.
I saw Sgt. Henderson's punk ass this morning and I cussed him out for.well as long as I could until he left the pod! He is the funny M.F.er who told Lonnie he could get his hair cut at the Wall's Unit!
I know I did no good by getting loud with the dude, but I sure feel better now. I've been waiting to give him a piece of my mind for the B.S.!!!
Well, B. Wolfe went to his 14 day summary this morning. That is when a D.R. Prisoner goes down to the office to sign papers for witnesses of you execution, visitor list changes, spiritual advisor, who's to get your property, last commissary purchases.Oh, what fun!
I have my 14 day summary tomorrow!! What a slap of reality, eh?
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Post by CCADP on May 9, 2005 12:42:12 GMT -5
I started cleaning out my cell today. I've been trying to do this without making a big issue out of this, but all the officers stopped and asked me what was up?.A few asked "How ya doing?" Oh, man fantastic guy!! Peaches and Cream!!
I did appreciated the ones who asked this with a sincere look on their faces. Then I think.maybe they are just "feeling me out" or something, to make sure I don't want to go off!
Yes, I am mad, but that is what I choose to show on the outside, on the inside is where..the other feelings are kept.the ones I must work out within myself.
I really, really do not feel like writing right now. Sometimes it help, sometimes it hurts.
Y'all, once again, my sincerest thanks for all the love and support you've shown my loved ones and myself> I got about 25 letters last night and spent 4 hours going through them, while listening to my radio to hear about Lonnie and those letters and e -mails really kept me strong and humbled, too!
You may ask why, humble. Well, because a lot of those letters talked about God and his love and his will.just powerful words.
One lady from S. Africa wrote me this real long letter with tons of scriptures in it! It made me get out my bible to check 'em out, which is just what I needed all along.
I'm rambling again, eh? I just want y'all to know how very much your support means to me. All of you, every last letter and e-mail. Than you so very much.
Standing Tall and Fading all R. Cartwright 999224 Polunsky Unit 3872 F.M. 350 S. Livingston, TX 77351
This is from Clinton Young #999447:
"May 1, 2005
Greeting to all!
I was just looking at my calendar and I realized that Lonnie Pursley is scheduled to be slaughtered by the state in two days.
One of the most solid convicts on the row. An over all 'Damn good guy'. A family that love him and friends who respect him. Keep the cycle of pain going!
I want to drift from the negative. I read in one of Richard's recent Uncensored articles that there are people who doubt his innocence. Why? How can someone be 100% sure of something they truly know nothing about.
Oh, I know why, because President George W. Bush said that there was "no innocent people on Death Row in Texas." He is the president, so it must be true!
Oh, yeah, did they ever find those Weapons of Mass Distruction? Hmmm. No, I don't think they did!
People lie and people make mistakes.
I just found out that the prosecutors in my case told people to lie in my trial and that they could not talk to my defense team. (Well, I knew they were lying.)
Not 1, but "4" people have give statements that the prosecution had them lie and told them they couldn't talk to my defense legal team. One of these people was a co-defendant in my case who was never arrested.
I also found out that another co-defendant in the case, who admitted to shooting the first victim, only received a 15 years non-aggravated a reward for his testimony against me. He went from facing the Death Penalty to only getting 15 years!
I guess he did a good job, huh?
The last but not least co-defendant in the case, whom failed a lie detector test and bragged about getting away with murder, only received 35 years!
The only proof in my case is co-defendant testimony! I never killed or shot anyone.
So out of 4 people, only one (myself) received the Death Penalty. I was the youngest and only one that did not help the prosecution. I can prove everything I claim.
So all those people whom doubt Richard, you should open you mind! Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, true enough. We are talking about a human life, though. A father, a son, a friend, an uncle, a 'before treatment' model for Rogaine! : ) Ha! Sorry, I had to throw in a little humor about Richard's bald head. : )
Though seriously, the risk is just too great. Well over a hundred men have gotten off of Death Row in the United States by proving they were innocent. How many were not able to prove it?
Speaking of number and statistics, I was reading in the Texas Monthly May Edition of 2005. It had an article about where Texas ranks amongst the other states. It listed some interesting stuff like out of 52 states in America, Texas ranks 50th in percentage of low income children with insurance and 50th in number of high school graduates age 25 or older. Hmmm. Not good.
Lets scroll on down to where we stand at 49th. Well, don't drink the water, because ladies and gentlemen, Texas ranks 49th in spending on water quality!
Lets see what else. Ah! We are ranked 47th in percentage of poor who receive Medicaid. 46th in per capital spending on mental health! Everyone out there be careful, because that means a lot of untreated crazy people are running around!
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Post by CCADP on May 9, 2005 12:42:26 GMT -5
43rd in workforce education and income distribution equality. Hmmm. Well, that isn't good, considering all the chemical plants in Texas. Didn't one blow up a couple of weeks ago? Well, now we know why. Here is an interesting fact. Texas ranks 37th in compliance with the Supreme Court decision, declaring that unjustified institutionalization of disabled person is discrimination. Well I guess it is true! Texas will lock anyone up! Coming in 35th in per capita spending on police protection! That doesn't seem right seeing how Texas is 48th in average spending on child protection! That doesn't match up too well. Especially since we got cops killing kids. I think there was 2 or 3 cases of that happening in Houston, TX last year! One of which I think resulted in a conviction on the police officer. Texas is 33rd in firearm deaths per 100,00 people. 32nd in per capita spending on education. 15th in murder rate. (I guess they don't count use of the Death Penalty.) 11th in violent crime rate and low income students in public schools. 9th in number of hazardous-waste sited on the Environment Protection Agency's national priorities list. Well, hell. What is suspected when Texas is 43rd in work force education. Kids, don't touch that six legged frog! Texas comes in 7ths in poverty rate, 5th in total crime rate, 4th in percentage of children living in poverty, 3rd in percentage of the population that is malnourished. 2nd in percentage of population that goes hungry, over all birth rite, teenage birth rate, amount of exposure to ozone pollution, hazardous chemicals spills, number of inmates per 100,000 people and number 2 in number of road-rage traffic fatalities. Y'all drive safely ya hear! Now lets hit the drum roll!!! Coming in at #1 in the USA is Texas in amount of toxic and cancerous manufacturing emissions, number of clean water permit violations, number of environment and civil rights complaints, discrimination lawsuits filed and guess what? That's right #1 in executions! Yeah baby. Texas is #1! I guess the great State of Texas has a lot of problems. We got a lot of poor, uneducated, radiation, exposed, non-driving, hungry, dirty water drinking, violent, crazy and sick people running around. So now I know where TDCJ gets it's workers! Keep in mind Texas is 43rd in work force education. I guess that explains how Deon Tumblin was able to die! Also, explains how so many people get wrongfully convicted. Too poor to pay for a good legal representative, the jury members too dumb to care and the DA's uneducated and overly exposed to toxic waste. Now we all know where President George W. Bush gets his speech problems from. The poor boy wasn't educated! I mean anyone that says 'There are no innocent people on Death Row in Texas,' can't have too much sense. Well, I think I covered a lot of ground. I just mainly wanted to show how out of whack this state is. Plus challenge the death penalty from a new angle. I am going to go ahead and bring this to an end. Use the pain to fuel the fire. I leave as I came. Respectfully, Clinton Lee Young #999447 Polunsky Unit-Death Row Stand Tall, Fade All, NEVER FALL P.S. A note to all the Texas Readers! If the things states in this article do not apply to you, then let it fly (if it don't apply, let it fly). I just wanted to add a little humor and show that Texas does have a lot of problems. I mean I was born and raised in Texas. So.well, I will be damn so that is what is wrong with me! To hell with an Atkins Claim (mental retardation). I got me a Texan Claim! : ) Ya'll drive safely and watch out for 2 headed deer and aggravated postal workers! Clinton Young 999447 Polunsky Unit 3872 F.M. 350 S. Livingston, TX 77351 E-mail Richard Cartwright at chitown@1prison.com. Be sure to include your mailing address because inmates don't have access to the internet. www.1prison.com
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Post by CCADP on May 15, 2005 14:49:45 GMT -5
UNCENSORED FROM TEXAS DEATH ROW by Richard Cartwright May 10, 2005
Richard Cartwright EXECUTION DATE SET for May 19, 2005
Well, hello, again to all who have tuned in for another episode of the rantings and ravings of my mind.
9 more days to live and so many thoughts in my mind.so many what ifs in my mind, so many regrets, so many broken dreams...anxiety is another emotion on the top of my list, and than again I have so much love in my heart for all the people who have stood by me and given me their love and support unconditionally.
I feel so very blessed that God has surrounded me by so many loving and caring people.
Lonnie's execution seems like just hours before, but in fact it has been 7 days since the State of Texas killed him in the name of blood justice. 7 days that have gone by way too fast for me, yet at the same time they drag.always at night when I stir from my sleep with restless thoughts of what I must do, what I want to say to my loved ones.
I spend this morning writing what may very well be the last letter I will ever write my beautiful daughter Ricki. What a letter that was to write. By far that was the hardest letter I ever had to write in my life. Oh, so many things I must tell my little girl, but than again she will always be my little girl, but what I'm trying to say is she will be all grown up by the time Grandma gives this letter to her to read.
What kind of woman will she have grown into by that time? Will she love me, or hate me? Will she still have my last name or have it changed out of spite? Heck, will she be married? Live in Texas? So many questions to answer before I wrote that letter.
I tried to keep in mind how old she might be when she gets to read this letter, but I cannot see past those crooked front teeth and freckled nose and dimpled smile of my 8 year old princess.
As I said that was the hardest letter I've written so far, but there have been a few this past week. I have friends overseas and realize that to get mail takes 10 days sometimes so I had to put my "last letters" to these people late last week. Painful letters, it is hard to write these letters and not sound defeated in them.
I have not given up hope, but I'm not a dumb ass either (Mouse, I do not remember asking you for your 2 cents on this matter, thank you very much!!!!). Whatever the future holds for me I will embrace with both arms and stand up and face it.
To me it is a win win situation. On one hand, if I get a stay, I get to watch Ricki Marie grow up for another couple of years.to watch my mom grow older another couple of years, to continue my friendships with all the people I have been writing these past few years. Also, all the letters I have no time to answer right now, but would if I'd get a stay. Those are all great things to look forward to.
Now on the other hand if these jokers kill me I'm gone from the cement coffin that I have called home these past 5 years. The inhumane treatment and torture of Texas' Death Row, not just gone from this hell on earth but into heaven above. Man, how can I not be looking forward to that? To be done with this earthly life and move on into eternity with God sounds like a great idea to me. In a weird way I am kinda excited about all this.I'm scare too, but not a fear of dying, but a fear of the pain and anguish I will leave behind to my loved one's with my passing.
I've not used my Uncensored articles to preach about God or my beliefs to extensively in the past because.well, I do not really know why, but I know I want to discuss God and what he has done for me in my life. I know if it was not for me being on death row I would have never excepted God into my life or my heart.
God was the furthest thing from my mind in the free-world. I was a very materialistic person out there.
The peace that God has put in my heart these past few months is nothing short of a miracle. I'm usually pretty hi-strung as most of you who follow Uncensored know! (SMILE) I'm really truly at peace no matter what happens.
I know a lot of guys who will get this Uncensored sent into them here at the Polunsky Unit will roll their eyes and say right.not the Chi-town I know! What is this B.S.!!!
That is how God works. He comes to us in our most trying of times and picks us up and carries us through.
So many people ask for miracles, but than never open their eyes to see them. They are all around us. I have to look no further than Ricki Marie to see my miracle of God!! Too bad my dumb ass didn't see her for the miracle of God she was until after I came to the row.
I just hope those out there reading this right now who do not know God make an effort to become closer to him. It is so easy to do.just do one thing for me. Read this one passage in you Bible: Romans 10:9,10
Before I move onto another subject, I would like to say thank you so very much to Jack and Irene Wilcox. These are 2 people in their 80's mind you, who come up here to the Polunsky Unit every day to call men out of their cages and preach the word of God to them.
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Post by CCADP on May 15, 2005 14:51:16 GMT -5
Jack has handled me and my walk with God with kid gloves of patience when I know he just wanted to reach through that glass and slap me upside my head. Jack took the time to make me see the light. We had many visits before I opened my eyes yet he never gave up on me, never. Thank you Jack. Without your patient counsel, I would never be able to feel the peace I now have in my heart. Oh, yeah, another something I want to talk to y'all about. I've mentioned the radio station 96l1 K-DOL out of Livingston, and the fact that they run a "Shout Out" show for the guys here on the Polunsky Unit from 3 'til whenever..well it is a good way to get your loved one to listen to some good new style preaching by Pastor John as they tune in for you "Shout Out." You can even request songs, religious or non-religious songs for that matter. You can listen to your "Shout Outs" via internet by going to www.radiocast24x7.com/kdol_launch.htmAlso, you can even send them an actual message with your voice, but I'm not sure how all this gets done, but you can find out more by contacting them via e-mail, snail mail..It is a very nice way to make someone here on the row feel special. If you do not know anyone on the row, you can still make a "shout out" to all the row. I've said this before and I'll say it again, this fight is not about one man. Therefore this fight is not over with one man's death. It ain't over with 100 men's deaths, or 1000 for that matter. This fight is not over until the death penalty is completely abolished in the USA, and the rest of the world. Totally abolished is when the fight is over. When we no longer kill in the name of justice, then the fight is over. As I take this walk towards my death I do it with a good friend of mine, Bryan Wolfe, who has a date for May 18th, the day before my own date. We are neighbors now and we have had some pretty wild and crazy talks about what is going down, but most on our minds is the pain and suffering our families are going through. And here I though we were all cold blood and heartless killers, eh? HA!HAH!HA! I have to laugh at that, because I've met some very loving and caring people behind these walls. It is just like in the free world. There are good and bad everywhere. You cannot possibly write off a group of people as evil and heartless. I've been hesitant about writing this Uncensored because I did not have a basis of what I wanted to say or the points I wanted to try and get across. I usually start with some kind of seed as to what I want to write about. I had not that seed this time and just sat down and said I must write this. I promised y'all to take you on this very personal journey with me and it gets harder as the days tick on..tick..tick..I need no reminders of that fact that time stands still for no man, especially one on the row. I will continue to write my thoughts from my heart, and even plan on writing somewhat over the Walls Unit to let you know how it goes down all the way up to the time they say "come on Cartwright, it's time". So y'all gonna go through this with me and I hope the inside personal view I share with you helps you to better understand that I am a person, I do love, and I am loved.
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Post by CCADP on May 15, 2005 14:52:21 GMT -5
I'm sure there are more than a few people out there who love to read about my struggles and sufferings, and to you, I say I forgive you. Can you forgive me?
I've gotten some hate-mail these past few weeks and I just open it, read 'em and throw them away. So much hate and anger in people's hearts who call me a monster!!! Now that is just crazy and out of line, but I understand that it is to try and hurt me. Being murdered, state sanctioned murdered, but murdered nonetheless, so if that is not enough for y'all than I can't help you. May 19th is right around the corner so hold onto your hats and find something better to do with your time.
What an emotional roller coaster this past week or so have been for me. It is an amazing range of emotions that I am experiencing from one end of the spectrum to another
First Lonnie gets executed! Man, talk about a low blow to deal with. I mean I sat and rode with this cat for almost 3 months, neighbors for the last 2. It was Lonnie and I on 2 row and nobody else. To watch him come and go to those last visits and to be finally loaded up into the van..Life goes on, I know, but it is a painful going on to experience. It took my legs out from under me, floored me, but one must pick themselves up and go on. To do less would dishonor Lonnie's memory.
He was a strong man, to be strong for him is all one can do. So as I am dealing with this overwhelming sense of loss.I am preparing for a visit with a woman who.man I do not know how to say what I feel, just.I guess a woman who's love and friendship are one of the brightest memories of my life, one of the happiest times of my life, of course, we have both moved on, but still, to see this woman, and to hear about her life was such a wonderful feeling and brought me so much happiness, literally helping me escape the insanity that my present situation has caused me.
So now as I sit here and type this I think about both Lonnie and Ms. Las Vegas..all in all I feel happy. I mean I know Lonnie is in a much better place than this sh*t hole anyway, right?
Once again I feel so very blessed to have so many people in my life who have come through for me when it counted most, to help me see the light, to help me lift myself up beyond self doubt, to give me that hand when I need it most.
Thank you "Vegas" and I'll be seeing you!
Now on Saturday, the 14th, I will spend what most likely will be my last private visit with my mother. 2 hours just does not seem like enough. This poor woman is flying all the way from Chicago for a stinking 2 hour visit. I'm both complaining I guess, and I'm bragging, eh?
What a woman!! Of course she will stay down here for the whole weekend and be here to see me the whole following week up to the 19th of May. Oh, man, I do not even want to go there right now.
Hey, Lizerd, I am not going crazy, thank you very much! I saw my old friend Lizerd at visitation Saturday the 7th and he said he has been reading my Uncensored and thinks that I have gone crazy! HA!HAH!HAH! I just hope someday he does not have to sit down here and watch his friends being systematically fed to the killing machine to see how well he fades this crap. If I was not going a little bit crazy, it would only mean I was beyond crazy.
Speaking of crazy, do you think God will let me publish an Uncensored from Heaven??HHMMM!!!
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Post by CCADP on May 15, 2005 14:54:05 GMT -5
Hey, Suzie "Q", want to get a laugh at my expense? Of course you do. You know how I like to poke fun at Texas and rednecks and all that stuff..well, my visit this past Saturday..your not going to believe this.she told me.yes me.that I have a Texas accent!! Out of all the nerve in the world, this poor girl must be crazy herself, eh? Well, y'all, I gotta take this one down yonder way.Peace Out!!! Standing Tall R. Cartwright 999224 Polunsky Unit 3872 F.M. 350 S. Livingston, TX 77251 By Robert Shields, #999166: "How Do You Make It Through the Day? Since I began my state-directed appointment with Death, I have been asked that question numerous times. After all these years, I still don't have an answer. Each day, I have to relive the events that sent me here and the pain that is has caused. Many thoughts crowd my senses. Remorse, anger, frustration and helplessness are just a few of the emotions I deal with daily. Confronting the reality of your own pending execution and watching with grief as friends are led off like cattle to the slaughter by the State of Texas is an ongoing battle just to maintain you sanity. Each day as I wake I have to dig deeper and deeper inside myself and rise up to meet Death Row and it's dehumanizing processes head-on. In my situation you have to be 'acrimonious'. You have to say 'Damn it, I am not going to let them do this to me!' I am not going to become one of the states statistics! I am going to fight! I won't settle for what has not happened. I must not grieve my death before my final breath. To hole on, not give up, to preserve when the hopelessness and the depression are overwhelming my first waking thoughts. I, like all human beings, will die, but for now, my focus shifts back to LIFE. There is not a day that goes by in my life that I do not thing about what happened or the pain it has cause. However, I do not believe the State of Texas has the right to take my life. Some acts must be recognized as evil in themselves. We, as a nation, cannot let Capital Punishment be a collective Act of revenge. It must never be allowed to become a release for our collective anger. History teaches us the inherent danger in 'mob psychology'. I am sure most victims' families want and feel they deserve both justice and revenge. Can we as a nation condone this? I honestly believe in the idea of Justice that this country was founded on (not some perverted sense of revenge). Revenge and justice are two totally different things. I am sure that the victims' families have suffered through this ordeal. They probably hat me. One of the hardest parts of my trial was sitting in the courtroom hearing the victims family weeping. They will, in all likelihood, fid out that my murder will not put 'closure' on their grief and pain. I have a sense of their emotions, as I have observed the emotions of the families of my friends who have been murdered, and continue to witness the grief in my own family and friends. Violence begets violence. To kill is wrong and I thinks we all can agree on that. It does not matter in what name you kill or for what reason, anger, addiction or even in the name of 'Justice'. It doesn't matter what road you take, killing is killing and you end up in the same place. Stop this twisted cycle of continuing violence, loss, pain and grief. Look at what is happening around you and never say never. Do not think that this could never happen to you or someone you love. It must be some kind of sick joke that they let people watch these murders like a circus freak show. These murders are planned over a period of years, if that isn't premeditated murder, what is? They just can't wait to get you on that table to watch you gasp and choke away your last breath. They feel some great need to see you die, to witness death! I would not be surprised if they came out with pay-per-view executions in the near future. What a great way to make a buck! Yet we, the convicts, are labeled as 'Animals'. I just don't understand the double standard. If you have a heart in you chest, a brain in your head and the capability to be honest with yourself then you know that this thing the politicians call Capital Punishment is Dead Wrong! How can anyone say there is no hope for a nineteen year old to become a productive member of society. I know some truly passionate people on the row. People, who if give the chance, could and would do a lot for others as well as themselves. Think about it people, Capital Punishment is not the answer! Justice, I think not! Has murder ever been the answer for anything? Every Western Democracy except the great USA has abolished the death penalty. It is way past time for us to take a long look at ourselves. Statistics prove out that State murders have not been a deterrent to violent crimes. State-sanctioned murder has been disproportionately meted out to the poor, especially the minority poor. I hope that the moral, ethical and spiritual convictions that most Americans hold dear will preclude them from supporting acts of vengeance in the name of Capital Punishment. In closing, I would personally like to thank all the people out there who are fighting to rid society of this terrible wrong.the death penalty. Robert Shields #999166" Hello, it's me again. Robert sent me a tablet of some of his poems earlier. I asked him to write a couple to go in with his article. He said "pick 2 and use 'em." When I first opened his tablet, I read."*WARNING, CONTENTS MAY BE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH*" So y'all been warned..here they go: "'Affirmation' Each and every day my life improves Because that is the way I want it Through my will power and personal effort My convictions shall bear fruit My success and failures are tools used To make me stronger, calmer, and More positive in all that I do I shall always get the best out of Whatever situation I find myself in. R. Shields 999166 'Trapped Inside' I am in that special place Another world where it seems That I can fulfill my dreams A sweet place filled with No complications, no locked doors No bonds to keep us chained There is nowhere to hide From this prison called love Can't help the way I feel R. Shields 999166" E-mail Richard Cartwright at chitown@1prison.com. Be sure to include your mailing address because inmates don't have access to the internet. www.1prison.com
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Post by CCADP on May 17, 2005 19:36:55 GMT -5
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