Missyme's Thread About Victims / Family Members

[CCADP]

(I am starting this thread cause Missyme keeps trying to post on Tina Church's THE OTHER VICTIMS thread; which is intended to reach family members of prisoners that need support. Missy kept trying to change the subject there to this other subject; also worthy of discussion. Many posters asked her to start a new thread about it; I ended up deleting a couple of times all the back and forth that took away from Tina's original thread intention; then Missy still refused to start a thread and posted this. I am DELETING it again from that thread and posting it here; where it belongs. Again, Missy/Cynthia deserves our respect and support (and would have had the respect and support of all if she had been honest about her victim identity as others have been and found support here); so please feel free to continue the discussion Missy - just do it here so Tina can have her thread as well. Everybody can then find what they are looking for....


Missyme

Re: Family members of death row inmates
« Reply #1 on: Today at 9:24pm »<br>I see I have been deleted again. I guess that means its time to reveal my true identity. Some of you will know exactly who I am and some of you may not be aware. First, let me say the reason I came on here under another name is because I knew I would post some things that I didn't want my friends at the pro board knowing because, quite frankly, it's embarassing. There are things most of them are not aware of that happened. Now, with that, I will say my "friend" is actually me. It aggravates me to come on here and see how much antis stick up for the murderers. Now, I know this is all the way you feel about things and that is great. If you do not believe in the death penalty, that is your perogative. I do. I will get to the reasons I do in just a moment. I do not think less of antis, despite what some might think. I have met some very nice antis and consider at least one of them to be a very good friend. (you know who you are girl!) The problem I have with some antis is in MOST cases (I said MOST) no one knows anything about the victims. Yes, there is so much talk about "the other victims". I truly feel for the family of the inmate. They did not ask for what they are going through. The part that really irriates me is so many people assisting the inmates and their families and my brother and I were left out in the cold to fend for ourselves at the ages of 4 and 7. Where organizations were fighting for him and his family, no one bothered to help the innocent children involved. This happens in more cases than anyone is aware. Case in point-my brother and I were subjected to years of physical and emotional abuse from almost every aspect of our lives. We were punished for invading and disrupting the lives of others. This went on for the entire 11 years of my life. I was also raped and told it was my fault. I suffered from eating disorders because for years I was told how I was such an ugly, nasty, fat person. I was involved with things I shouldnt have been involved in at my age. I begged for people to help me but no one would. Everyone was too busy with his family. I know people who went out of their way to help him and his mother. There was 1 family that sent us Christmas presents each year until we got to be about 10. I guess we got to be too much for them.
Now, how does this pertain to the family member topic? My stefather murdered my mother. I have come here to attempt to see the antis side. All I have seen is people who fight for the right of all "victims" except those that really need the help. There are so many children out there who need someone to fight for them, yet they go ignored because of the desire to defend the murderer. Take Cartwrights daughter for example, bless that childs heart. It seems that child had alot of love in her family and they helped her deal with things. Not every child is like that.
Another thing...there are antis on here that come over to the pro board and are all sweet and innocent and talk to us with such compassion. They come over here and use vulgar language and call people names. Nice group of people.
Now, on the pro board, I am know as Cynthia. No need to worry though. This pro will not be back on your precisou hypocritical board.

[CCADP]

This is a terrible story; and I don't understand why this guy wasn't put away YEARS before for the terrible things he had done before he ever killed.... ? Was he never charged with any of these serious offenses? Another problem with the justice system. I am so sorry that you have had to deal with this; I cannot imagine how it has hurt. Another regular (anti) poster here who lost a close family member to rape and murder; and also a cousin to execution has experienced a lot of the kind of things you describe...

[Missyme]

Those are things that happened to me AFTER my stepfather decided to murder my mother. This is why I have so much hate and anger towards this man and want him executed!

[Missyme]

And just noticed something. You said I would have gotten the respect had I been honest? SO are you saying that just because, before now, Missy didnt deserve it because she wasnt a direct victim?

[Lili]

Dear Missyme
I am so sorry for all those horrible things you went through..and I understand why are you pro DP..this is not hypocrisy, I’ve always divided pro-s in two groups : family members of murder victims and those who are not victims. My heart goes to all left behind the murder and wish I could be able to help them in any way..still I think that another murder is not going to solve the problem.
Missyme, please try to go on with your life, I know you can’t ever forget all that pain you’ve experienced, but let bygone be bygone, you must believe in the future, for your own sake and the sake of your family. Maybe you can ask for some professional psychiatric help?

[Missyme]

Thanks to that monster...I live in therapy.

[Missyme]

Also, I AM going on with my life. This is the stage where I quit denying everything. This is the stage of my life where I start to admit to myself and others what pain his selfish act caused so many people. About the letting bygones be bygones...perhaps one day but for now, its hard to when I have dreams of watching what he did and being able to do nothing. Its hard to when her grandchildren ask questions I can't answer. It's hard when I can't pick the phone up and call my mother just to say "hey, mom. I love you". It's hard when I cant celebrate holidays with her or go out to lunch with her. Again, perhaps one day..but it wont be soon.

[jj]

Missyme, people can't understand your anger until we know why your angry. There are many pros that spout junk that have never even felt violence near their lives. Your anger and pain is real and no one will judge you for that.

The system stinks. The first six years of my life I was beaten, burned and molested. I was lucky though, the system stepped in and took me from my birth mother and I was adopted by a wonderful family that had the patience of a saint to raise me. If it wasn't for them I would probably be on death row myself.

Yet, I married a man who was a violent alcoholic that would beat his kids. I turned him into the authorities when he broke his daughter's collar bone when she was 3 years old. He was in the military at that time and they didn't want to ruin his career so they put him in counseling to try to "help" him. Which is what I wanted. I didn't want him in jail, I wanted him to get hep for he himself had been beaten and molested as a kid and had a lot of anger inside of him. But you know what? This same "system", the military, when they found out he was having an affair with the neighbors wife on base housing they wanted to court martial him for adultry. Save his career when he broke his daughters collar bone, but ruin it for sleeping with a woman.

Six months after my father died, of a heart attack, I was told by someone one day when I was crying and upset to forget about him. They actually said... "look, he's done, just forget about him". There are some things in life you "just can't forget". But some how we have to learn to deal with them and make peace within ourselves. Many, Many men on death row never made peace within themselves of the abuse and torture they suffered as kids and look where it ended them. When you grow up in rage and there is no one to help you deal with it, unfortunately that rage affects innocent people. It's not an excuse, it's an explanation where there anger comes from.

[ela]

Thank you Joy-
That's what I am trying to say for long time on here...
I'm glad anybody else think the same
People who suffer,who are abused and who live on the borders... some of them can be saved; some of them become criminals; some of them are put to death-
And I know what I am talking about.
tnak you for sharing this with us.

[ela]

Thank you Pam too.

[sclcookie]

Missyme said:

Also, I AM going on with my life. This is the stage where I quit denying everything. This is the stage of my life where I start to admit to myself and others what pain his selfish act caused so many people. About the letting bygones be bygones...perhaps one day but for now, its hard to when I have dreams of watching what he did and being able to do nothing. Its hard to when her grandchildren ask questions I can't answer. It's hard when I can't pick the phone up and call my mother just to say "hey, mom. I love you". It's hard when I cant celebrate holidays with her or go out to lunch with her. Again, perhaps one day..but it wont be soon.

Missyme, I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could say to make your pain go away.

I lost my Dad, not by a murderer, but still, it's so hard. We were real close.

I couldn't imagine what it would be like for someone to take my Mom or sons from me.

[truth1]

Missyme said:

Those are things that happened to me AFTER my stepfather decided to murder my mother. This is why I have so much hate and anger towards this man and want him executed!

I completely agree with you. I am also sorry you had to go through such hell. You are a very strong person.

[catskillz]

Thanks for that missy, it's appreciated.

I understand what u are saying. Society should definately be there for the ones left behind, no doubt. I know it is not always the case. I've gained some experience with young people that derail due to various reasons. I've been close to derailing myself, though not as close as other people i've experienced. I got my act together however, maybe because a strong will, maybe because i'm smart enough, maybe i was lucky. If luck had turned against me at some points, i wouldn't sit here today like i sit here now. I would have been denied the opportunities i got, and which i used. I'm not telling u this to do some 'goodie talk'..since i was a bit hard on your earlier posts, and u revealed your background i just want to explain a bit of mine. These are some reasons that i'm against the death penalty for everyone, that i'm pro LWOP and support long term sentences for those that deserve it, i'm pro rehabilitation options for especially the youth. I'm really disturbed about the DP for young people.. from what i have seen and experienced, i know an 18 year old kid, with all kind of troubles.. how to say.. can have a really messed up mindset. I'm not saying i can really understand this, psychology is hard to fix down. I can imagine it though, like i can imagine your situation and viewpoints from your background.

As for the reason people here 'are' 'only' supporting the prisoners and other victims, i can only give u my explanation. I believe the murder victims are as much respected as everyone else involved. The reason why it seems otherwise is, i.m.o, the fact that this board is MAINLY about anti-dp and support the other victims and supporters. This doesn't mean therefor there is no respect or thought of the murder victims. I'm sure that on the pro-board, there is a lack of respect and thought of the other victims too. It has also been shown by some people's posts here. I'm sure this isn't always the case as well, so just maybe.. we should put that to idea rest by understanding this is not strange and not implicating other things, from either viewpoint.. reason for the attention the DR inmates get is just the fact that they are on DR, which many people find unethical, immoral and not neccesary, as they feel about the crime. If they were serving life terms, the attention would drop like a brink in the water i'm sure.. i'm not judging that, but i know it will. In my opinion that would be better for all sides, i think it is cruel to force such a long period of time on the victims left-behinds to finally be able to start the healing process. I don't believe the dp process should be sped up, lwop would not drag along all this time in alot of cases, i think..i can imagine u disagree. When i read up on various cases i sincerely got to do with the victims and their family. It is just not related to my beliefs on the dp and the justice system. I know it must be hard to understand or share when reading what u went through, but i hope u can imagine my viewpoints. I still stand behind the things i said in the posts, but i understand now why u feel that way.

All the best, catz

[Mo-DAWG]

Missyme said:

Also, I AM going on with my life. This is the stage where I quit denying everything. This is the stage of my life where I start to admit to myself and others what pain his selfish act caused so many people. About the letting bygones be bygones...perhaps one day but for now, its hard to when I have dreams of watching what he did and being able to do nothing. Its hard to when her grandchildren ask questions I can't answer. It's hard when I can't pick the phone up and call my mother just to say "hey, mom. I love you". It's hard when I cant celebrate holidays with her or go out to lunch with her. Again, perhaps one day..but it wont be soon.

Hey Missy,
you know i rarely see a reason to apologize with people but i have to admit i´ve got to apologize now. i got some parts about your destiny wrong when we talked here for the first few times and i´m honestly sorry for that...my mistake !!!!..since i read your story i can understand what you feel and what you want to say...and i can understand why you think i was an arrogant and sarcastic person.....i´m honestly and deeply sorry for getting things so wrong and i mean it...that´s why i post it here and don´t do it the coward-way and just PM you to apoligize cuz that would be a much too easy way out ....
i hope you can accept my apologies and i hope you can feel they´re really heartfelt....
much respect
always
Mo-DAWG

[Missyme]